we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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