It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
