It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
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I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
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Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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