I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
