This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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