i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
