i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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