Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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