I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
