i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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