I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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