Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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