You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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