just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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