my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
