Girls should come with a carfax report
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
