He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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