Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize