I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There r osticjed everywhere
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
