that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
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He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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