The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
