So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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