Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
