Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
