she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
