either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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