If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
