I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how drunk are you?
Several
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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