When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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