hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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