The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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