guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
