There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
