trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
