I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
