I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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