And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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