If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
