We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
