I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
