his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
