is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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