I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
soo... how was my night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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