Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize