I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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