btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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