so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
