Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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