Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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