I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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