God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
