I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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