I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
