you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
