she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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