A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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