doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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