It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
