haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
