We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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