I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
