You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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