im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
