Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
They have beer where we have blood.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
