i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
