On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
