just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize