the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
