stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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