I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
