I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
