we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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