I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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