Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize