They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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