So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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