I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
