but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
