Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just blew my weed a kiss
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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