Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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