I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
