my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
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